On the border of the deep submerge

‘Deep Submerge’ is the very famous (… in a very specific domain) skill name of ‘the’ outer-planet heroine, but it came to me as a very different meaning recently.

Last Friday (Feb. 10th, 2017), I woke up due to very severe (never had been before in my life) chill. Just following the deadly chill, I felt myself burn with fever and nausea. I managed to rush to the bathroom to wash my face… but I felt dizzy and sat on the toilet and totally blacked out.

I’m not sure how much time I was unconscious – it was a real blink in my mind. When I came back I found my forehead on the rubber slippers which kept me from getting hurt. But the fever was still there and even getting worse. I desperately took off my sleeping jacket and laid myself on the chilly floor. (Now I know I was very lucky because it was a very proper emergency treatment for that case.)

I could barely see anything. Just the dim and blurring light was what I can see. I couldn’t move my body any more and couldn’t say anything.  I don’t know how I can express my feeling at the moment but it seemed that my consciousness was on a kind of the virtual horizon and it crossed the line in and out. Just one word came across my mind: death.

I think it was about 10 minutes later when I could recognize the bulb at the ceiling. I felt my mind was coming back to earth from somewhere deep. When I was able to control my body, I came back to the bed and woke up my wife; surprised her of course; and let her check my status. With the fever subsiding, I could sleep again although still my condition was not normal.

It was my first ‘near-death experience.’ I was unconscious eight years ago in an airplane to SF when I came back from Tokyo. But this is my first time that the fear of death overwhelmed me. I’m going to have a medical checkup sooner or later because I heard that there might be an issue in my vagus nerve.

I think the way I face my life cannot be same as before. It was really a hard-to-express experience. The way I think of my family, my job and my life might change remarkably. I just want to put on record of this moment for the present.